This is re-post from 2 years ago when I began blogging. As I have said before, my intention for blogging was to put my art out into the world. It was only after I created my blog that I realized how much I enjoy writing. After having written this post, I wanted to add some art and so this little watercolor was my illustration of "Infinite".
It's funny to me, looking back, what a different frame of mind I am in now. I'm not really living in the mystery these days. Sort of just trying to make the most of daily life. I think I have become a little more patient with the girls, but I'm still looking for my car keys.
No right or wrong, good or bad. I spend much of my time contemplating art and the metaphysical. No wonder my energies are scattered. I crave objectivity, but I am living in the mystery. I can’t deny it.
I feel blessed that I could open my mind really wide and consider the infinite possibilities. I have even considered the possibility that the possibilities may be finite as well. What good are all these ideas if I cannot manifest them into something to be shared?
I am aware that people show up in my life to teach me lessons. The faults we see in others are just reflections of our own. I can’t describe them as “faults” when my lessons are revealed to me by Maya and Eleanor. They are children. They are innocent. They don’t know any better. But, what I try to teach them, I really need to learn myself.
Focus. Make a decision. Just do it. Here is what I am trying to get my kids to do, while I am a scatterbrain myself. Sure, I could get my shoes on, brush my teeth and get in the car without someone standing over me and repeating the directions several times. But, I have a long “to do” list at all times. Some items are daily, menial tasks, some are big life goals. Progress seems slow sometimes because my head is in the clouds. I need to focus. Make a decision. Just do it.
My greatest frustration is getting the girls out the door in the morning. What are you going to wear? What do you want for breakfast? What do you want for lunch? So many possibilities... and these are such huge decisions for small children because in the midst of all the uncertainty of the whole entire universe, this is what they can control.
I try to simplify the process by limiting the possibilities. Either THIS or THAT for breakfast. I’ll pick out your clothes even though I’d rather see you express your individuality in the way you dress. We don’t have time for that. What kind of sandwich do you want in your lunch? And what will accompany it? Yogurt? That’s great! Strawberry or blueberry? I see you drift off... your eyes glazed over as if you are imagining the future where two parallel universes exist... and in one you are eating strawberry yogurt... and in another whole universe... it’s blueberry. PICK ONE! IT’S YOGURT!
I’m sorry I raise my voice in anger. And I’m sorry I shame you for not putting your things where they belong while I search aimlessly for my car keys. I’m learning.