9.29.2007

Infinite Possiblities.


Infinite Possiblities.
No right or wrong, good or bad.
I spend much of my time contemplating art and the metaphysical. No wonder my energies are scattered. I crave objectivity, but I am living in the mystery. I can’t deny it.

I feel blessed that I could open my mind really wide and consider the infinite possibilities. I have even considered the possibility that the possibilities may be finite as well. What good are all these ideas if I cannot manifest them into something to be shared?

I am aware that people show up in my life to teach me lessons. The faults we see in others are just reflections of our own. I can’t describe them as “faults” when my lessons are revealed to me by Maya and Eleanor. They are children. They are innocent. They don’t know any better. But, what I try to teach them, I really need to learn myself.

Focus. Make a decision. Just do it.
Here is what I am trying to get my kids to do, while I am a scatterbrain myself. Sure, I could get my shoes on, brush my teeth and get in the car without someone standing over me and repeating the directions several times. But, I have a long “to do” list at all times. Some items are daily, menial tasks, some are big life goals. Progress seems slow sometimes because my head is in the clouds. I need to focus. Make a decision. Just do it.

My greatest frustration is getting the girls out the door in the morning. What are you going to wear? What do you want for breakfast? What do you want for lunch? So many possibilities... and these are such huge decisions for small children because in the midst of all the uncertainty of the whole entire universe, this is what they can control.

I try to simplify the process by limiting the possibilities. Either THIS or THAT for breakfast. I’ll pick out your clothes even though I’d rather see you express your individuality in the way you dress. We don’t have time for that. What kind of sandwich do you want in your lunch? And what will accompany it? Yogurt? That’s great! Strawberry or blueberry? I see you drift off... your eyes glazed over as if you are imagining the future where two parallel universes exist... and in one you are eating strawberry yogurt... and in another whole universe... it’s blueberry.
PICK ONE! IT’S YOGURT!

I’m sorry I raise my voice in anger. And I’m sorry I shame you for not putting your things where they belong while I search aimlessly for my car keys. I’m learning.

2 comments:

Katie said...

This is my favorite one of your entries yet. I love the painting too. It's really inspiring how you are able to identify with Maya and Ellie and experience spiritual growth through that connection. They are going to be really great adults. I am going to make a to do list right now.
Love,
Katie

marianne said...

You are very talented. Love your blog, I will be back
Greetings Marianne